This year, however, the approach of my birthday has been met with some feelings of melancholy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m also very excited about it, but there has been a bit of reminiscing surrounding this birthday.
As all birthdays, this one brings up thoughts of being younger. The dreams I had as a child and how some of them were realised and some were let go.
There’s a wonderful line in a Regina Spektor song that says: “One day you’ll wake up and feel a great pain and you’ll miss every toy you’ve ever owned."
I think we can all relate to that in some way. You think back to how your life was then and how different it is now. But at the same time, you know that if you had those toys now they wouldn’t mean the same to you. You can’t go back, so you move forward.
Because my birthday is at the start of August, it always, without fail, fell right smack-dab in the middle of the Summer holidays. This means that I always had the day off on my birthday, (except for a few times here and there when I was working a summer job), and since I’ve chosen teaching as my profession this continues to be the case. It’s great, I have a whole day to do with what I will.
However, being that it’s the summer holidays usually meant most of my friends were away. As a result my birthdays were always more of a family affair. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way. My family are my favourite people in the whole world. I always count myself incredibly blessed whenever I think of them. The love I have for these people is immeasurable. They bring so much joy and light to everyone they meet. Think salt of the earth and that’s them.
I think that’s part of the struggle I’m having this year. It will be the first time that I celebrate my birthday outside of the family home. For the past 24 years I’ve been home for my birthday, and now I’m finding that “home” is a trickier place to find.
Currently, I live in Chilliwack in a wonderful apartment that I love. So yes, I consider that my home. But it can also be a lonely place because I live there on my own. My loving family; parents and sisters, brothers-in-law, nieces and nephews, are spread out across the globe in 3 different countries. I consider those people to be my home, but at this point a rather far away home.
This year I will be spending my birthday with my boyfriend, James. He is the most loving and thoughtful man I have ever known. He truly astounds me with his servant heart and generous spirit. He lives in a house along with 6 other people. They are kind, intelligent, welcoming, and full of laughter. I’ve been spending a fair amount of time here over the past few weeks and months, and slowly I think I’m starting to consider this place and these people to be one of my many places I can call home.
I can’t say what this coming year will hold. I’m certain there will be times of feeling alone and missing the life I used to have as a child living with my family. But, I am also certain that this year will be full of hope and joy during the times spent with the new people in my life. I’m sure I’ll find more places to call home and make new memories to reminisce about years from now. The important thing is that I can always look back and say that no matter what, I’ve been surrounded by love and that means more than I could ever say.
