Nesting Instinct.

Nesting is a term used to describe the instinct or urge an expectant mother feels to prepare a home for her newborn. Lately I've been having some nesting urges. Don't worry Ma and Pa, I'm not pregnant. But I do feel a longing to create a place that is mine. I've never fully had that. For the first part of my life I always shared a room with my younger sister, then for a brief time I had my own room, and then I started moving around roughly once a year (sometimes more) which never really gave me enough time to create a home for myself. Right now I'm living in England and I'm renting the top floor of the local vicarage. In some ways I have made it my own, but in most ways it's just a room. The furniture is not mine, the bedding isn't mine, I can't paint the walls or put up pictures. Next year I plan on getting my own place. A place that is really mine. I doubt that I'll actually buy a place, but I would like to rent something that is its own unit. Not a basement suite, not a coach house, but a real apartment that I can make my own. Furnish with furniture that is of my taste. Hang up some of the art I've collected and pictures of people I love. Fill it with knick-knacks and books that mean something to me. Heck, if they let me maybe I'll even get a dog. Yes, I'm looking forward to finding a place to make my own. A place to settle for at least a year or two. A home. 

The Gift

He handed her the book.

‘I’m sorry it’s not a first edition.’

‘Well does it have the same words?’ she asked.

‘Yes, I suppose it does.’

‘Then I love it just the same.’

She leaned in and kissed his cheek.

This made him happy.

He hoped she would do it again, but instead she began to slowly thumb through the pages.

Thankfully, watching her enjoy the gift made him happy too.

Getting To Know You.

There are many blogs I've written but never posted. Good blogs too. Ones that revealed different parts of who I am. Blogs that share some of my hopes and dreams, my insecurities and my worries. I haven't put these blogs on the internet because that isn't how you should learn those things about me.
Those things should not be readily available to anyone who has internet access. 

We've become very accustomed to sharing everything in our lives with anyone who will listen. Taking pictures of our food. Photographing our feet on random sidewalks. Stretching our arms out and pointing the camera at ourselves in front of anything even vaguely of interest. There is nothing wrong with that. I mean, I've got a Youtube channel where I love to post videos of my adventures. What I worry about is more than that: we share our opinions of everything. We comment what we're thinking and how we're feeling. We write paragraph after paragraph about our deepest thoughts and dreams. Should all that really just be out there?

The other day I was walking on the street and I overheard a girl saying "Some of my friends don't even have instagram. I mean, it's not like a deal breaker or anything but come on! What if I want to get to know you better?" It's worrying to me that we get to know each other through screens and it's dangerous too. On the internet I get to choose what I share or don't share. I could paint you a beautiful picture of who Hanna is and how great she is and all the fun stuff she does. But that isn't the full picture. That isn't really me. Certainly not all of me.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is this: if you want to get to know me, all of me, you're going to have to actually spend time with me. You're going to have to work at it. I need to know that you care enough about me to earn the stories of who I am. I need to trust that you will respect them. You won't get to know me through your screen but I'm more than happy to meet you for a face-to-face and a heart-to-heart. 

Take Time

Our world is pretty fast paced. We've become accustomed to getting things at the push of a button (or click of a mouse). We complain when we have to wait in a queue for even a few minutes. Or when the internet is ever so slightly slower than usual. I think we are slowly loosing our ability to appreciate the little things. We don't take time to just sit and enjoy a good song. We don't look up from our gadgets to see the beauty of the morning sky. We can't get off of Netflix long enough to wind down with a good book and a cup of cocoa. 

These past few weeks I've been making an effort to take time to appreciate the little things. I want to make sure that I actually take notice of the day as it unfolds rather than being focussed solely on what tasks I have planned to achieve. I know I'm not the first to do this and I know that it's not a revolutionary thing, but it has been making such a difference. Every evening I give myself at least an hour before bed: I light a candle, do a bit of journaling, play some music, or snuggle up with a book. I unplug and actually take time to enjoy my life. And it has given me so much more peace. I don't feel stressed, I don't feel like I'm busy every hour of every day.

I've noticed that by just taking a few minutes here and there throughout the day to appreciate the little things I've been able to feel so much more calm. It reminds me that life is so much more than constantly being on the go and always thinking about the next thing. Sometimes I want to share a moment with a student and really listen as they tell me a story. I want to take time to just sit and enjoy my lunch without marking at the same time. I want to enjoy the colours of the sky as the sun is going down even if I'm still at work. 

I know it can seem hard. You already feel like you don't have enough time in the day, let alone have extra time to stop and appreciate something as small as a good cup of coffee. But trust me, once you give yourself these moments to be thankful for these things you'll find that maybe you do have more time than you think. 

True North.

Dear Canada,

Today I miss you. I miss seeing you in your Autumnal splendour. How I wish I could take a long drive along the Fraser River or down a winding country road. I wish that I could go for a hike in your mighty mountains and take in the beauty of the changing foliage. I want to bundle up and to feel your cool breeze on my nose. I wish that I would get caught in one of BC's downpours and get soaked to the bone. Then I would snuggle up with a cup of coffee, real coffee. Maybe have some pancakes with maple syrup and bacon while I sit in front of a log-burning fire. I love to smell of wood smoke that lingers in the damp air, mingling with the scent of crisp leaves. To hear the call of a loon or an eagle. I miss your oceans. I miss you plains. I miss the mountains and forests. I miss you vast skies and the beauty of your sunsets. I miss your cities and your towns. Canada, today I miss you, but don't worry. Someday I will come to you again and be able to love you all the more.

-Hanna

Choices.

Life sure does involve a lot of choices, doesn’t it? Almost everything we do is a choice. You make a choice to get out of bed in the morning. You choose what to have for breakfast. You choose what to wear. Throughout the day you are making hundreds and thousands of choices.

This choice making starts from a very young age. I can remember being told to “Make good choices” as I headed out the door as a young teenager. And this past year I must have asked dozens of 5 year olds “What choice are you making?” or “Could you make a better choice?”

When you’re a kid making choices is usually a fun thing. I remember how exciting it was when I would get to choose, all by myself, what I would wear that day – what a thrill! Or I’d get to choose what route we would take to get somewhere. Quite a responsibility. Sure, my parents usually would give me appropriate options to choose from, but still, I was the one making the decision that would shape our day.

As you get older some choices remain exciting: where are we going to go on vacation? What movie are we going to see? What type of car will you buy?

But as you get older, your choices hold more weight. You have an even greater responsibility to make good choices. What kind of job will you have? How are you going to pay your bills? Who are you going to marry? These are big choices and unfortunately they do not always come with pre-approved options. Sometimes you’ll have a world of choices in front of you, and while that is exciting it can also be overwhelming.

Having faith in God often makes it easier. A lot of people trust that He has a plan for their lives and that He will guide them through their choices. And while I believe that is certainly true some of the time, I think that sometimes God might present you with several choices and any one of them could be the right choice. Some might challenge you more than others, but all of them are good options. Then you have to choose: do I want to make the easy choice, or the harder choice that might be more rewarding?

We all have choices to make. Hopefully we have the wisdom to make good ones.

Steal this Day.

I want to steal this day with you.

To hide away in some small café where no one knows us.

Snuggle up on an oversized couch, not caring what people might say.

I want to read old American novels with you

and drift away into the story and the sound of your voice.

Listen to the rain gently tapping on the window 

and know that she can’t reach me here in your arms.

Sip our drinks side by side and wonder if it’s your company

or the coffee that is warming me up inside.