The big picture

You know how in the movies they say that a girl always knows when a guy likes her. It’s false. Okay, I can really only speak for myself but personally I am oblivious to when guys like me. I can see it when a guy likes a different girl but when it’s me I haven’t got a clue. It’s rather unfortunate but I feel like this is the case for most girls. We know when a guy likes one of our friends; we can see it from a mile away. But when it’s us, we are blissfully unaware. Maybe it’s because we’re in it, it’s too close for us to get proper perspective, you know? And I feel like that's the case in a lot of situations in life. You don't have a clue what's going on because you are just too involved in it to get the big picture. 

Retrospect is a funny thing isn’t it? The dictionary defines it as a review, survey, or contemplation of things in the past; to look back on or contemplate things in the past. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing, yet so often it’s used in a phrase like “in retrospect I would have…”. But I don’t think that necessarily means you regret what happened or that you want to change it; it simply means that you have learned something between now and then. You have a different way of looking at things, and if you were faced with the same situation again you might do it differently.

For me, things make much more sense in retrospect. When I have more information to complete the picture. The time that passes gives you the distance you need to see the full picture in perspective. Sure, sometimes I wish I could have seen those things in the moment but more often than not it’s for the best that I didn’t. Things find a way of working themselves out just as they should be.

There is a verse in Romans that says that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (8:28). Thank God for that. God gives me the pieces of the puzzle that I need in the moment, but He sees the whole picture. Not just of a given situation, not just of my life, but of all of eternity and He knows what needs to happen. Sometimes I wish God would give me more of the puzzle, or the lid so that I could see what I’m trying to piece together, but to be honest, I like the surprises of not knowing. And as time passes and I grow closer to God I see more and more of the picture and how the pieces fit together. It’ll all come together in the end. 

Songs are my Memories

As I believe I have mentioned once or twice before, I love music. Not just for the lyrics, not just for the instruments, not just for the emotions that it portrays so very accurately, but for the way it can bring me back to a certain time, place, or person so easily.

You know how sometimes they use smell therapy for people who have memory loss to try to help them recall memories they may have lost? Music is like that for me. I can hear a song that I didn’t even know I had ever heard before and it can take me back to the time and place where I heard that song.

Also, most songs that I really like I like because they have a specific memory attached to them. Sometimes these memories are happy and nostalgic, other times songs can remind me of times where I was very sad or upset about something, but those are good memories too because I know that I learned something or grew somehow.

But beyond all that, one of the best ways in which songs are my memories is that they remind me of specific people. For most people in my life there is at least one song that reminds me of them specifically. (Heck, there is probably a song that reminds me of you!) I like those songs the best because they always, always make me happy.  There are (and have been) so many people in my life whom I love so dearly and whom I’ve made incredible memories with and hearing songs just bring all those things back to me like a wave of goodness. It’s pretty great.

So thank you music for bringing me back to those amazing times that I hope I will never forget. Here’s to many more!

Idiosyncrasies

We all have them, those peculiar little habits that make us unique. For some people it may be that you hate having certain body parts touch each other; fingertips, ankles, what have you. For some it may be a particular interest in something that others don’t find that interesting at all; rock formations, airplanes, various kinds of tea. Some idiosyncrasies are more obvious than others, being startled easily for instance. Some can be hidden for a long time or simply seem normal until the point where they are forced to change. For some they are secret hidden pleasures that only they know about and appreciate; the driver putting their hand on the passenger seat when backing up, the feeling of putting on socks that just came out of the dryer, the way wet hair looks. There may be certain things that you secretly hate; pictures of anatomy, tiny specks on a mirror, the creaking sounds swings make. Certainly there are some idiosyncrasies that are more common than others, I’m certain quite a few people feel they have to sleep on a certain side of the bed, or pealing an apple in one long strip, etc. A movie that really highlights idiosyncrasies in a great way is Amelie; whenever a new character is introduced the viewer is told a couple of their idiosyncrasies and they are so unique and so wonderful. I think the best part of idiosyncrasies is that they are hidden to most of the people you meet and that only those who really know you know them. This process can take years, I love hearing stories from married couples who have just discovered a new one about their spouse, or when you realize your spouse knows some of the ones you thought you hid so well. That’s the thing about these little habits and behaviors and thoughts, there are so many of them, you may not even know all of your own ones until they are pointed out to you, and there is no reason or rhyme to them. There just fun little discoveries, little insights into people, they don’t necessarily mean anything, and that’s what makes them so fantastic. Because why should everything have to mean something anyway?

(p.s. If you recognize yourself in any of the examples I have given, yes, I may have used you as an inspiration. But don't worry! I like that you are weird and won't tell anyone that it was you :))

You.

This is for you. You are an inspiration to me. There is something about the kindness that just seems to flow from you that makes me wish I could be more like you. It seems like things are lighter when you are around, you know? You can come into a room and suddenly there seem to be more smiles, there is an easiness there, a level of comfort. You find a way of taking things that are mundane and ordinary and spinning them into things that I never want to forget. I can quite honestly say that I hold every memory of you very dear in my heart and there is not a minute that I spent with you that I would want to have spent anywhere else. Even when you are hurt or sad you are still the most giving and forgiving person I know. I have never known you to be hurtful or show anger towards anyone, that’s such a gift. You are a gift. You are kind hearted and talented and I am certain that you can and will succeed in achieving anything that you put your mind to, and yet you are humble and you always pawn off the compliments paid to you. God has blessed you and He has blessed me by letting me have you in my life. Because that’s what you are to me, a blessing, a daily reminder of the good that is in this world and the hope that remains. You are incredible, and even if you don’t think you are making a difference in this world, you are. You are changing everything by simply being who God created you to be, and I love you for it. 

November

November is quite imminent. In just under 2 hours it will be here, somehow so much sooner than I expected. I have always liked November; I like the colorful leaves on the ground, I like the rain, I like the warm drinks, I like the big sweaters and I like that I get to wear a warm scarf and hat if I so wish. Heck, I even like that some people chose not to shave, those of you who know me know that I have never been apposed to a little scruff or even full on facial hair. 

Despite all this I have been dreading this November. Well the first 2 weeks of it at least. It seems that I am getting close to running on empty. I am bogged down with homework, pretty tuckered out and trying my hardest to avoid anyone who has even a hint of illness. (Don't take it personally; I like you, just not the sickness you carry). But I have made a schedule and if I stick to it, which I intend to do, I will make it through and by November 18th my load will be that much lighter.

You may be wondering why on earth I am bothering to tell you all this. Why do you care? Well, because I though that you, my avid reader, would like to know that I will probably not be writing to you anytime between now and then. Yes, I know you were probably hoping for something a little more inspirational, thought-provoking, or even just something amusing as a post. But it is as it is, a boring note about November. 

So for now I leave you to enjoy the November rain, the beauty of the trees, a nice cup of tea, a good book and maybe even some Norah Jones. And with the promise that my next post will be more exciting. 

Thankful

Thanksgiving weekend. Well, Canadian thanksgiving weekend anyway, one of the perks of being both an American and a Canadian is that I get to be thankful twice a year. So blessed, I know. This thanksgiving I am in Cedar by the Sea with my parents and younger sister. It’s the first time I’ve seen Cedar in the fall and it is beautiful. The leaves have just started changing color, the smell of wood fires is in the air and the deer walk gently through our yard. Thankfulness is not hard to come by in these parts. But one of the things I am most thankful for in our still new home is that it is so very close to the ocean.

Confession: this is not the beach by our house, but the picture was too good to pass up.

There is something incredible about the ocean; it has always been a place of thought and peacefulness to me. I have inherited this love of the beach from my mother, she loves the beach, always has. And though I didn’t grow up on Vancouver Island like she did, I still managed to visit the ocean quite a lot in my childhood. Living in Holland makes commutes to the ocean a bit easier than it would be for most. It wasn’t until last year that I realized just how important the ocean is to me.

Last year was a good year but it had its challenges, and at the point were I felt I just needed to get away from it all, I needed to go to a beach. This may sounds silly to you, why would I need to go to the beach? I’m afraid I cannot rationally answer this question, but there is something about the vastness and power of the crashing waves and the endless horizon that helps me clear my mind and bring me back to reality. To the realization that no matter what I may be dealing with, the world is so much bigger and whatever my issue is really isn’t a big deal. Thankfully my friend Catherine came to my rescue and drove me down to a secluded beach in Washington, it was perfect. A nice rainy day, the waves crashing on the rocks and it was exactly what I needed.

This summer I made a road trip to Calgary with a bunch of my friends. I had never driven through the Rockies in Canada before, somehow they seem a lot bigger than the Rockies in the states. And as we were driving through the middle of these giant mountains a strange feeling came over me, something I don’t think I’d ever felt before: claustrophobia. I felt so closed in, so small and not in a good way. I missed the vastness of the ocean. Don’t get me wrong; I love mountains. I like seeing them in the distance, I like the way the light hits them at sunset and I love hiking in them, but to be stuck in between them: not for me. Yes, I’m an ocean girl. I like the beach.

So what am I thankful for this Thanksgiving Day, besides the usual things such as family, friends, great education, food, and numerous other blessings, I am thankful to be near the ocean. To see how majestic my God is by looking out over the ocean, feeling the breeze on my face and the mist from the water, and of course I am thankful for the mountains in the background.