The big picture

You know how in the movies they say that a girl always knows when a guy likes her. It’s false. Okay, I can really only speak for myself but personally I am oblivious to when guys like me. I can see it when a guy likes a different girl but when it’s me I haven’t got a clue. It’s rather unfortunate but I feel like this is the case for most girls. We know when a guy likes one of our friends; we can see it from a mile away. But when it’s us, we are blissfully unaware. Maybe it’s because we’re in it, it’s too close for us to get proper perspective, you know? And I feel like that's the case in a lot of situations in life. You don't have a clue what's going on because you are just too involved in it to get the big picture. 

Retrospect is a funny thing isn’t it? The dictionary defines it as a review, survey, or contemplation of things in the past; to look back on or contemplate things in the past. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing, yet so often it’s used in a phrase like “in retrospect I would have…”. But I don’t think that necessarily means you regret what happened or that you want to change it; it simply means that you have learned something between now and then. You have a different way of looking at things, and if you were faced with the same situation again you might do it differently.

For me, things make much more sense in retrospect. When I have more information to complete the picture. The time that passes gives you the distance you need to see the full picture in perspective. Sure, sometimes I wish I could have seen those things in the moment but more often than not it’s for the best that I didn’t. Things find a way of working themselves out just as they should be.

There is a verse in Romans that says that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them (8:28). Thank God for that. God gives me the pieces of the puzzle that I need in the moment, but He sees the whole picture. Not just of a given situation, not just of my life, but of all of eternity and He knows what needs to happen. Sometimes I wish God would give me more of the puzzle, or the lid so that I could see what I’m trying to piece together, but to be honest, I like the surprises of not knowing. And as time passes and I grow closer to God I see more and more of the picture and how the pieces fit together. It’ll all come together in the end. 

Songs are my Memories

As I believe I have mentioned once or twice before, I love music. Not just for the lyrics, not just for the instruments, not just for the emotions that it portrays so very accurately, but for the way it can bring me back to a certain time, place, or person so easily.

You know how sometimes they use smell therapy for people who have memory loss to try to help them recall memories they may have lost? Music is like that for me. I can hear a song that I didn’t even know I had ever heard before and it can take me back to the time and place where I heard that song.

Also, most songs that I really like I like because they have a specific memory attached to them. Sometimes these memories are happy and nostalgic, other times songs can remind me of times where I was very sad or upset about something, but those are good memories too because I know that I learned something or grew somehow.

But beyond all that, one of the best ways in which songs are my memories is that they remind me of specific people. For most people in my life there is at least one song that reminds me of them specifically. (Heck, there is probably a song that reminds me of you!) I like those songs the best because they always, always make me happy.  There are (and have been) so many people in my life whom I love so dearly and whom I’ve made incredible memories with and hearing songs just bring all those things back to me like a wave of goodness. It’s pretty great.

So thank you music for bringing me back to those amazing times that I hope I will never forget. Here’s to many more!

Idiosyncrasies

We all have them, those peculiar little habits that make us unique. For some people it may be that you hate having certain body parts touch each other; fingertips, ankles, what have you. For some it may be a particular interest in something that others don’t find that interesting at all; rock formations, airplanes, various kinds of tea. Some idiosyncrasies are more obvious than others, being startled easily for instance. Some can be hidden for a long time or simply seem normal until the point where they are forced to change. For some they are secret hidden pleasures that only they know about and appreciate; the driver putting their hand on the passenger seat when backing up, the feeling of putting on socks that just came out of the dryer, the way wet hair looks. There may be certain things that you secretly hate; pictures of anatomy, tiny specks on a mirror, the creaking sounds swings make. Certainly there are some idiosyncrasies that are more common than others, I’m certain quite a few people feel they have to sleep on a certain side of the bed, or pealing an apple in one long strip, etc. A movie that really highlights idiosyncrasies in a great way is Amelie; whenever a new character is introduced the viewer is told a couple of their idiosyncrasies and they are so unique and so wonderful. I think the best part of idiosyncrasies is that they are hidden to most of the people you meet and that only those who really know you know them. This process can take years, I love hearing stories from married couples who have just discovered a new one about their spouse, or when you realize your spouse knows some of the ones you thought you hid so well. That’s the thing about these little habits and behaviors and thoughts, there are so many of them, you may not even know all of your own ones until they are pointed out to you, and there is no reason or rhyme to them. There just fun little discoveries, little insights into people, they don’t necessarily mean anything, and that’s what makes them so fantastic. Because why should everything have to mean something anyway?

(p.s. If you recognize yourself in any of the examples I have given, yes, I may have used you as an inspiration. But don't worry! I like that you are weird and won't tell anyone that it was you :))

You.

This is for you. You are an inspiration to me. There is something about the kindness that just seems to flow from you that makes me wish I could be more like you. It seems like things are lighter when you are around, you know? You can come into a room and suddenly there seem to be more smiles, there is an easiness there, a level of comfort. You find a way of taking things that are mundane and ordinary and spinning them into things that I never want to forget. I can quite honestly say that I hold every memory of you very dear in my heart and there is not a minute that I spent with you that I would want to have spent anywhere else. Even when you are hurt or sad you are still the most giving and forgiving person I know. I have never known you to be hurtful or show anger towards anyone, that’s such a gift. You are a gift. You are kind hearted and talented and I am certain that you can and will succeed in achieving anything that you put your mind to, and yet you are humble and you always pawn off the compliments paid to you. God has blessed you and He has blessed me by letting me have you in my life. Because that’s what you are to me, a blessing, a daily reminder of the good that is in this world and the hope that remains. You are incredible, and even if you don’t think you are making a difference in this world, you are. You are changing everything by simply being who God created you to be, and I love you for it. 

November

November is quite imminent. In just under 2 hours it will be here, somehow so much sooner than I expected. I have always liked November; I like the colorful leaves on the ground, I like the rain, I like the warm drinks, I like the big sweaters and I like that I get to wear a warm scarf and hat if I so wish. Heck, I even like that some people chose not to shave, those of you who know me know that I have never been apposed to a little scruff or even full on facial hair. 

Despite all this I have been dreading this November. Well the first 2 weeks of it at least. It seems that I am getting close to running on empty. I am bogged down with homework, pretty tuckered out and trying my hardest to avoid anyone who has even a hint of illness. (Don't take it personally; I like you, just not the sickness you carry). But I have made a schedule and if I stick to it, which I intend to do, I will make it through and by November 18th my load will be that much lighter.

You may be wondering why on earth I am bothering to tell you all this. Why do you care? Well, because I though that you, my avid reader, would like to know that I will probably not be writing to you anytime between now and then. Yes, I know you were probably hoping for something a little more inspirational, thought-provoking, or even just something amusing as a post. But it is as it is, a boring note about November. 

So for now I leave you to enjoy the November rain, the beauty of the trees, a nice cup of tea, a good book and maybe even some Norah Jones. And with the promise that my next post will be more exciting. 

Thankful

Thanksgiving weekend. Well, Canadian thanksgiving weekend anyway, one of the perks of being both an American and a Canadian is that I get to be thankful twice a year. So blessed, I know. This thanksgiving I am in Cedar by the Sea with my parents and younger sister. It’s the first time I’ve seen Cedar in the fall and it is beautiful. The leaves have just started changing color, the smell of wood fires is in the air and the deer walk gently through our yard. Thankfulness is not hard to come by in these parts. But one of the things I am most thankful for in our still new home is that it is so very close to the ocean.

Confession: this is not the beach by our house, but the picture was too good to pass up.

There is something incredible about the ocean; it has always been a place of thought and peacefulness to me. I have inherited this love of the beach from my mother, she loves the beach, always has. And though I didn’t grow up on Vancouver Island like she did, I still managed to visit the ocean quite a lot in my childhood. Living in Holland makes commutes to the ocean a bit easier than it would be for most. It wasn’t until last year that I realized just how important the ocean is to me.

Last year was a good year but it had its challenges, and at the point were I felt I just needed to get away from it all, I needed to go to a beach. This may sounds silly to you, why would I need to go to the beach? I’m afraid I cannot rationally answer this question, but there is something about the vastness and power of the crashing waves and the endless horizon that helps me clear my mind and bring me back to reality. To the realization that no matter what I may be dealing with, the world is so much bigger and whatever my issue is really isn’t a big deal. Thankfully my friend Catherine came to my rescue and drove me down to a secluded beach in Washington, it was perfect. A nice rainy day, the waves crashing on the rocks and it was exactly what I needed.

This summer I made a road trip to Calgary with a bunch of my friends. I had never driven through the Rockies in Canada before, somehow they seem a lot bigger than the Rockies in the states. And as we were driving through the middle of these giant mountains a strange feeling came over me, something I don’t think I’d ever felt before: claustrophobia. I felt so closed in, so small and not in a good way. I missed the vastness of the ocean. Don’t get me wrong; I love mountains. I like seeing them in the distance, I like the way the light hits them at sunset and I love hiking in them, but to be stuck in between them: not for me. Yes, I’m an ocean girl. I like the beach.

So what am I thankful for this Thanksgiving Day, besides the usual things such as family, friends, great education, food, and numerous other blessings, I am thankful to be near the ocean. To see how majestic my God is by looking out over the ocean, feeling the breeze on my face and the mist from the water, and of course I am thankful for the mountains in the background. 

Mother Teresa Lied.

One of Mother Teresa's most famous quotes is this:

"I know God won't give me more than I can handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much". 

And over the past couple weeks I have been learning that this is not true.

2 Corinthians 1:8-11 says this: "We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many".

This goes to show that God does put us through trial sometimes and that sometimes He will give us more than we can handle just so that we come to realize once again that we need Him. We cannot do these things on our own. 

I also learnt something in my Education class the other day that has really got me thinking. My prof said something like; Jesus has saved us from the ultimate penalty of sin, which is death, but because we still live in a sinful world, while we are here on earth we are still held responsible for our actions and that God does punish us and discipline us for our sins. This may not be a new idea to most of you, but it was to me. I thought that since God had saved me I could basically do whatever and be forgiven for it, and while this is true it does not mean that there are no consequences for my actions. 

This really helped me to see God as a father figure and instill the fear of God in me. He doesn't want to have to punish us but as His children we still have much to learn and we have to be taught, sometimes through hard lessons. He is shaping us into who we ought to be, through the struggle and hardships He is stretching our faith and teaching us to be more like Him. 

This.

The Stories On Your Skin

"Children show scars like medals. Lovers use them as secrets to reveal. A scar is what happens when the word is made flesh."
~Leonard Cohen

We each live our lives and there are things that we can choose to keep from others. Experiences we may never share with the rest of the world. But sometimes life leaves it's imprint on you. A small reminder of a day or a time that changed you. Even if the change was only skin deep. I love hearing about those times.

Scars intrigue me. I love asking to hear the story behind a scar. Some stories are better than others, but it always gives you a little insight into where someone has been, the things they have done and what kind of person they are. It's the imperfections that make you beautiful. One of the things that separate you from the rest and make you uniquely you.

I have lots of scars, some that I vividly remember getting and others that I haven't got a clue about. Some fresh and some faded. Some remind me of good times, others remind me of things that I miss or of times that weren't so great. Still, I like each one. It's like having part of my history etched on my skin.

One thing I really appreciate about when Jesus came back to earth after His death was that He still had His scars. Those scars that remind me of what He did for me. How He saved me. I hope we all get to keep our scars in heaven, because like it or not, they tell a story about you. There are stories written on your skin.

New pens, paper, and pencils. New adventures, opportunities, and chances. Hello, September.
It's good to see you again. 

Welcome to the family

First off, let me apologize for my hiatus. I was pretty busy the past few weeks so I haven't had the time to blog, but I'm back now. Happy times.

I went to a family reunion down at Mt. Rainier a couple weeks ago. It was super fun and great to be able to spend time with them, especially because I hadn't seen most of my dad's side of the family in years. That may seem crazy to some of you, but for me that's quite common. You see, growing up in Amsterdam, we didn't often have the funds to fly across the Atlantic to visit family. I've only seen them every so many years. And yet, there's a connection. You jump right back in, there's a familiarity to it. I like that.

This past week was my sister's wedding. She looked gorgeous on the day, had a beautiful ceremony and at the end of the day I had an incredible new brother-in-law. The day started with his family and her family, and by the end of the day it was one big happy family. There's no familiarity yet, but over the years, at the family gatherings, it will happen.

My eldest sister is pregnant with what will be my first niece or nephew, and I could not be happier. Although I realize that she lives in Amsterdam and so her baby will probably see me about as often as I saw my aunts and uncles growing up. But that's okay. We're family, and no matter what, that kid is going to be loved by each and every one of us. There's no doubt about that.

Sometimes it's hard for me to think about those who don't have a complete family unit, or who have no family at all. I pray for those people that they would find a way to their Heavenly Father and join the big family, the many brothers and sisters in Christ. Because although you may not know them, or see them often, you are always welcome, you can always jump back in and find the familiarity, and you will always find love.

What's the one ship that can never sink?

“We’re just friends”. I really don’t like that saying, it sounds like you’re belittling friendship. Yes, I realize it is usually used in the context of being friends as apposed to dating each other or something, but still. I think friends are just as, if not more, important than a significant other.

Okay, this is coming from a girl who has never had a boyfriend, and maybe my opinion on the matter will change someday. But to me having friends is so important. And when I do have a boyfriend I know that he will be my best friend. Because good friends will always be there for you, they are ready to pick you back up when you’ve fallen and help you put the pieces back together. They are always able to put a smile on your face and accept you just as you are. With friends your heart is safe. There’s a special kind of love between friends.

I have had situations where I have lost friends and it’s incredibly hard, because to me a true friend means so much. But sometimes things happen, people grow apart, and time or geography get in the way.  All I know is that any friend of mine will always have a place in my heart and I will always accept them with open arms.  There are no hard feelings between friends, even old friends. When you hurt each other, there will always be space for forgiveness.

So no, we’re not “just” friends. We’re friends, and that means a lot. 

(Oh, and the one ship that can never sink is a friendship. Cheesy, eh? :) )

the clock keeps ticking on ..

Do you ever feel like you are just stuck waiting for your life to happen? I have that feeling sometimes. It could be partly because I'm still in school and it just seems like I'm still waiting for my life to start. It could be because it doesn't seem like I have accomplished much yet. But this is it, my life. It's happening.

There is a quote that I read once and it said that the days are long, but the years are short. That quote is very true for me. The days in which I do absolutely nothing seem to take forever, like time will never actually pass me by. But it does, and before I know it the months and years pass me by. When I think back to the things that have happened in my life I sometimes cannot believe how long ago it is now. Time sure does fly.

So I try. Try to make each month, week, day, hour and minute worth my while. Worth living. Sure, there are still times where I sit around "wasting time", but if you're wasting time in a way that you enjoy, I don't think it really is a waste of time. And for times where I feel like my life is stuck in a lull, I remind myself that this is the time to take and enjoy. There are going to be times in the future where I'll wish that I could just hang out with my friends and do nothing. God knows what I need and what I should be doing with my life, I'm sure He'll inform me in due time what I should be doing with my time here.

And even if I'm not doing some great deeds, or feel like I'm not really doing anything of value it may be that the Holy Spirit is working through me and doing incredible things without me even knowing it. All I can do is make myself available to God to be used however He choses, I trust He'll put me to good use eventually, if not now.

Confession time

"It's the end of a decade
In another ten years time
Who can say what we'll find
What lies waiting down the line"

For those of you who are confused as to why I might be quoting ABBA's song 'Happy New Year' in the middle of the summer, it is because tomorrow is my birthday. I will be turning 20, so for me it is the end of a decade. And I thought I should enter into it with a clean slate.

I realize that what I am about to say may be considered social suicide in certain circles and some of you may be quite shocked and even horrified at what I am about to reveal about myself. But it has to be said...


I like country music. 

The truth is, I always have. I can still remember being quite young and my favorite cassette tape was called "Kings of Country" and I would listen to it over and over. And I very much enjoy listening to the Dixie Chicks or Keith Urban. I even have a couple songs by Patsy Cline, Willie Nelson and Randy Travis on my computer.  

Now, in the past I have lied about my liking of country music because it seemed to be socially unacceptable to appreciate this genre of music, and I do admit, some of it is rather awful. But just as any genre, there are songs that are good and songs that are less good. 

So there you have it. You have learned something new about me. Let's see what else we'll learn over the next 10 years. 

City Slicker

This summer has been a bit of an adjustment. My family has moved from Amsterdam in the Netherlands to Cedar in Nanaimo. Now, in my family we are no strangers to moving. We’ve moved around several times but it was usually within an urban setting and Cedar is anything but urban.

When I was very little we lived in the West-side of Amsterdam, which was very grungy and certainly urban. I remember walking to school in the mornings with my mom and sisters and we would sing, “We all live on the dumpy side of town, dumpy side of town, dumpy side of town” to the tune of yellow submarine. You’ve got to love my mom for putting a positive spin on pretty much everything. After that we moved to Amstelveen which is basically a suburb of Amsterdam and it was still very easy to use public transportation to get to anywhere you wanted, or you could just ride you bike. So again, it was definitely very urban.

But now, we’re in Cedar, Cedar by the sea to be more specific.  And it is anything but urban. We have deer walking through our backyard all the time, we have little to no cell phone reception and we are not connected to the main sewage line. It has taken some getting used to, to say the least. But the ocean is a mere 5-minute walk away and there are literally thousands of blackberries ripe for picking, I am enjoying it and think it’s a great place to come and relax for the summer, but to live here all year round is not for me. I would miss the hustle and bustle of the city.

Being able to jump on a subway and head down town to hang out, see museums, concerts, and go to pubs and stuff like that is just something I’ve grown so accustomed to. To be honest, I am more of a homebody than somebody who goes out and takes full advantage of all that cities have to offer, but it’s still nice to have the option. I guess I feel freer in the city. I have more freedom to go places and do different things without having to ask someone for a ride or be dependant on others.

As much as I like the small town kindness and the peace and quiet of Cedar by the sea, I must say that hearing a siren howling in the distance last night as I was trying to sleep brought me comfort. It sounded familiar, like home. 

Pure Genius

Okay, so usually I like baking things from scratch. But this is the next best thing.

This is a mix that uses real ingredients, so it's basically like baking from scratch but they've measured everything out for you already. So great!

Good Morning, this is your wake-up call.

You may think of me as someone who is very strong and confident and comfortable with who I am. However, the truth is that up until the past few months I have been trying to please everyone. I have been trying to fit myself into the person people expect me to be. Trading parts of myself and changing who I am so that others will be happy. And because everybody likes different things, over time I developed a lot of versions of myself. And after a long time of trying to keep this up and always being a little less than myself, I’ve decided enough is enough.

I can still remember when it started. I can pinpoint the moment. It was at lunchtime in high school and my friends and I were sitting around going through each other’s mp3 players and looking at the music that was on them. Mine was full of things like Gordon Lightfoot, Norah Jones, and Paul Simon, and compared to what my friends had on their mp3 players this was subpar. So that day, when I got home from school, I got rid of my music and put a bunch of the music my friends liked on my iPod. I wanted to fit in.

From that point on I thought a lot about other people’s opinion of me. Whether or not they would like my clothes, my hair, my music, taste in movies, etc. etc. Now, I know that it’s not uncommon to want to fit in, in high school. But for me it didn’t end there. I mean, it didn’t carry on to the same extent but ever since then I have still been trying to be what others want me to be. I’ve been so scared that people wouldn’t like me for me that I’ve been whoever they wanted me to be. And I’m not trying to blame anyone for me acting this way, it was my choice. I wasn’t strong enough to just be me.

But a few months ago I had my wake up call. After trying to be someone I’m not for so long I realized how tense I was. My body physically felt tight and constricted, I had been so careful of everything I did and every move I made so that no one would dislike me, I had given myself absolutely no freedom.  And I was reminded of something I had learned in Bible school a couple years ago: “to be fully known is to be fully loved”. I realized that there is no possible way to make everyone happy or to be the person that everyone expects me to be. All I can do is be the person God made me, and people can either take it or leave it. My hope is that I am now finally confident enough to just be me and not worry about what others think. Because ultimately God’s opinion is the only one that really matters and He loves me no matter what. 

Quit your bellyachin'

The glass is half-full. I like to think that is my outlook on life. But more often than not I tend to come off as more of a realist than an optimist. I say realist because I refuse to think of myself as a pessimist. I tell it like it is, which is a good trait to have at times, but it also means that I'm a bit of a bubble-burster at times. Something that I consider being far worse than telling it like it is, is complaining about stuff. And yet I do it all the time.

This summer has been a prime example, the days are few and far between that I don't mention how much it has been raining. But to be honest, I actually kind of like rain. And sure it would be nice to have a few sunny days here and there, but living in British Columbia a little rain is to be expected. And what right do I have to complain about a little rain, it isn't really causing me any harm. Think of the poor people in Africa who are dealing with the worst drought in years. People are dying of thirst and all I can think about it whether or not I'm getting a tan? That's just plain awful.

I think the root of most complaints comes from a sense of entitlement. That we deserve a nice summer. We deserve to be paid more, or work less, or have things always go our way. And it's just not true. We are not really entitled to anything. Certainly, we have our human rights, but if we have food and water and a place to sleep then we really have no right to complain about a thing.

In Numbers 11:1 it tells about how the people were complaining to God about being out in the desert and eventually God got really fed up with them. It's no surprise to me that God does not like complaining, after all He has done for us, day in and day out, we still find things to complain about. So as for me, I'm going to try to keep on the sunny-side of life and count my blessings every day. The glass is half-full.

Christian Music

To be perfectly honest with you, I listen to "secular" music far more frequently than I do "Christian" music. It's not that I don't like Christian music, I certainly do, but I can only listen to so much of it before I get a little tired of it.

Although there is a game that I play sometimes and it's pretty fun. It was inspired by an episode of South Park in which Cartman decides to start a Christian Rock Band, but rather than making original worship songs he just changes the words to some secular songs and the result is pretty funny. So sometimes when I'm listening to the radio I like to pretend that the songs I'm listening to are worship songs. Obviously, more often than not, this doesn't really work out. BUT on rare occasions they really do work out and I really enjoy it when that happens.

Here are some examples of parts of songs that really work great for worship songs:

"You're a waterfall, washing over me
I'm a thirsty man let me drink you in
Well I am on my way, 
You're a mountain top
When I reach for you, your love lifts me up
All that I want is to be 
Where you are"

-Rascal Flatts, Where You Are

"You're the meaning in my life

You're the inspiration
You bring feeling to my life
You're the inspiration
Wanna have you near me
I wanna have you hear me sayin'
No one needs you more that I need you"

-Chicago, You're The Inspiration

Those are just two examples, but the more often you do it the easier and more fun it gets. And I like to think God doesn't mind having "secular" songs used as a form of worship, as long as they're somewhat fitting. :)

Light in the Darkness

At church last Sunday the sermon was about how life is hard sometimes. And it is. Life goes easy on me most of the time, but I am under no illusions, life isn't meant to be easy and we will all face tough times. What is important is that even in times of trials and troubles we keep our faith and trust in God.

A prayer that I find very inspiring and humbling is a prayer of Archibald Tait. Between March 11th and April 8th, 1856, Tait and his wife lost five of their six daughters to scarlet fever, this is the prayer of thanksgiving he prayed in this time of incredible grief:

"O God, you have dealt very mysteriously with us. We have been passing through deep waters … You have reclaimed the lent jewels. Yet, O Lord, shall I not thank you now? I will thank you not only for the children you have left to us, but for those you have reclaimed. I thank you for the blessing of the last 10 years, and for all the sweet memories of these lives. ... I thank you for the full assurance that each has gone to the arms of the Good Shepherd, whom each loved according to the capacity of her years. I thank you for the bright hopes of a happy reunion, when we shall meet to part no more."

My hope is that in times of trial I am able to keep my trust in the Lord and be thankful to Him for His many blessings. Troubles may come to pass, but not to stay and God knows what is best and has a path laid out for me. 

~dreams~

I love dreams. Not like the dreams for the future type dream, although I like those too, but the sleeping kind of dreams. The ones you have absolutely no control over.

While I was growing up my family would always have breakfast together and what would usually drive the conversation were the dreams we had in the night. My dad's were always the cause of much laughter because they usually involved trying desperately to find a toilet. This tradition of talking about dreams is one that I continue even now, most mornings I will discuss my dreams with my roommate and she will tell me all about hers.

Often in my dreams I get to see people whom I haven't seen for a long time. Or I get to live out experiences that would never be possible in real life. Sometimes I'm not even me, I'm someone else. My dreams occasionally even set my mood for the day, if I've had a particularly nice dream it seems like I'm just more cheerful during the day. Something that is certain about my dreams is that they are always quite strange and very entertaining.

I also really enjoy looking up the meaning of my dreams, although most of the time they probably don't mean anything, but I still like looking it up. It's so interesting to me that people actually take the time to decipher what significance different things have in dreams. In the Bible, God often spoke to people in dreams and I'm certain He still does that today. And even when dreams have no particular significance, they certainly are entertaining and are probably the main reason I enjoy sleeping as much as I do.

I'm Rubber, You're Glue

I recently read 'the Happiness Project' by Gretchen Rubin, this book follows Gretchen on her one year mission to become happier. It was a pretty good read and I would certainly recommend it if you're looking for some light hearted reading. One part of the book really tweaked my interest, the part on gossip.

Gossip is something that everybody struggles with, certainly every girl. It just seems to be in our nature to talk about others and things we have heard about them and to share our opinions on things. And as innocent and fun as gossip may seem, we still shouldn't do it. 

In 'the Happiness Project' it talks about a phenomenon called "spontaneous trait transference", what that means is that people unintentionally transfer to me the traits I ascribe to others. So basically if I say to someone that someone else is rude, they subconsciously associate that quality with me. Not good, right? It puts a whole new meaning to "judge not lest ye be judged". 

Luckily, spontaneous trait transference also works with positive qualities. Which means that if I say that someone is very kind, that trait is then associated with me. So the next time you are about to gossip about someone, think twice and maybe try to find some kinder words to say instead. And if you have nothing nice to say, it's probably better to say nothing at all. 

"Greater love hath no man than this,"

John 15:13 is probably one of my favorite verses in the Bible: "Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends". It is quite a short verse but it has so much sentiment to it, and to actually live it out is such a challenge.

I used to think that this verse simply meant that if you truly loved someone you were willing to die for them. That seemed pretty doable to me, if someone I loved was held at gunpoint and I was offered the choice to die in their place I would most certainly take it. But that's not what this verse is about. A couple weeks ago I was reading a daily devotional, from Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest", and it spoke to this verse, it said that it is far easier to die than to lay down your life for someone day in and day out. Death is easy, one second you are here and the next you aren't. But to live everyday in sacrifice for your friends, that's hard.

Certainly it is easy to lay down your life for your friends every now and then. I have most certainly gone through phases where I try to do my very best to serve others and put them before myself. Usually these phases coincide with situation in which I am there with the very purpose to serve others: helping out at a church function, on a missions trip, during a retreat. But to lay down your life, everyday, 24/7, for others is a big challenge.

Saint Thérèse of Lisieux lived in France in the 19th century, she was fifteen when she became a nun and sadly she passed away from tuberculosis when she was only twenty-four. Yet in her short time here on earth she did enough to merit being sainted. She never did anything particularly outstanding or performed any great deeds, she barely even left the area she was born in except once when she travelled to Rome to meet the pope, but the thing that made Thérèse worthy of sainthood is that she lived her life trying to show love to everyone, everyday. "Love proves itself by deeds, so how am I to show my love? The only way I can prove my love is by every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and the doing of the least actions for love."

Not only are we to lay our lives down for each other and to everyday live out lives of love, but we are also to lay down our lives for God and serve Him. What makes this even more challenging is that we ought not expect recognition or praise for this, often loving sacrifices go unnoticed. A song that really helps me when I'm struggling with laying my life down for others is "Desert Song" by Brooke Fraser, when I feel like I've given everything I can and I just have nothing left to give and I just can't be as loving as I should I remember that "I'm filled to be emptied again. The seed I've received I will sow". God had poured so much love into me and all I have to do is share that love with others, even if they don't recognize it, God sees it and that's what counts.

Father's Day

My Papa has been such a blessing to me since day one and I am truly thankful for him, not only on this day but everyday.

Come Fly With Me

To say the least, I am no stranger to flying. Ever since I was fairly young my family has been making trips across the Atlantic and around Europe and I feel very blessed to have been able to travel as much as I have. Sadly, when I was younger I had problems with motion sickness, lets just say that I have swallowed my fair share of Gravol over the years and that you probably would have preferred to not sit near me in an airplane.

Over the past few years my flights to and from Canada have become more frequent, as I attended school in Canada while my immediate family still lived in Amsterdam. During these flights I became better and better at flying. My mother seems to think the reason for that is that I took too much Gravol and knocked myself out, but I promise you I took the exact dosage that was on the bottle. Anyway, I am now able to comfortably make the ten hour flight without getting sick and I even eat the food and enjoy the entertainment system.

However there is still one aspect of flying I strongly dislike: the toilets. I try to avoid using them at all costs (how people bring themselves to join the mile-high club in there is beyond me). Fist of all there is always a lineup which is frustrating and once it is your turn you step into this tiny little space with the worst lighting ever, somehow it seems like everything is wet, but you pull yourself together and do what you need to do and then comes the worst part of all, the flush. No words can describe my dislike for airplane toilets flushing. If you have never been to the toilet on a plane let me try to explain to you what it sounds like, it is so incredibly loud that it sounds like you may actually be sucked into a parallel universe, you can't help but feel bad for the people with seats near the toilets who have to hear this awful sound throughout the flight. I so desperately try to avoid having to be in the room when it flushes that I often will push the button and then try to get out and close the door behind me before it actually flushes.

The other day I was browsing through "The Book Of Even More Awesome" by Neil Pasricha, which consists of a bunch of little chapters on things in life that are awesome and really enjoyable, and to my disbelief, airplane toilets were mentioned in this book. Someone actually enjoys them!!! Oh well, I guess we all have little things that we enjoy and others don't. All I can say is I'm pleased I now actually enjoy flying, and if the toilets are the worst part about it, I can deal with that.

Nipped 'n Tucked

In my life I have been fortunate enough to have only made three visits to the hospital for my own sake. I wasn't even born in one! Two of the three times I went in were to get my wisdom teeth removed, they took out one each time and I was wide awake whilst they did so. The third time I went to the hospital I was about fourteen years old and it was for plastic surgery. Yes, I admit that I have had plastic surgery. Now before you think too long and hard about it let me assure you, I haven't had anything sucked out of me, I haven't been injected with anything and certainly nothing has been made any bigger. I had what is known as a blepharoplasty.

So what is a blepharoplasty? It is a surgery that is usually preformed on older women who want to look more rested and alert. Basically it is an operation during which they remove part of the skin on your eyelids so that your eyes appear wider and more awake. However when I had it done I only had it done on my left eye, now why on earth would I do such a thing? Well, I was born with a congenital birthmark on my left eyelid, and it never bothered me at all nor did it affect my vision at all, but with all congenital birthmarks there is a risk that they will develop into a malanoma, which is a form of skin cancer. Long story short, together with my parents, I decided I'd rather be safe than sorry and just have it removed.

The surgery went fine and I was in and out in no more than two hours. Now since I myself have had plastic surgery I can't be entirely opposed to it, and I am certainly not opposed to all plastic surgery. In many cases plastic surgery is a true blessing to people, burn victims to name just one instance where plastic surgery is verging on miraculous. However I do not agree with the plastic surgery people have to "enhance" themselves. Don't get me wrong, I can get my head around the people who are sick and tired of being stared at or who have never been happy in their own skin. What really confuses me are the men and women who look perfectly fine already and then go and change themselves. The people who become addicted to having plastic surgery and come out looking like scary Barbie dolls. I mean, is it really necessary?

God has made you perfect and loves you just as you are. Plus, outer beauty isn't really what counts anyway, nobody will care how great you look if you are a horrible person. 1 Peter 3:3-4 says the following: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight" (NIV). So be encouraged that true beauty comes from the inside and it will always shine through. Always.

Just call me George

It's no secret that I am a very curious person. Not so much in the sense that I'm strange, although that too is true, but more so in the sense that I like to know just about everything all the time. For those of you who think I'm exaggerating, you can ask anyone of my closest friends and they will tell you that it's a pretty serious problem. Generally I'm fairly informed about what's going on, at most times you could ask me where someone is or what they're doing and I can probably tell you. Creepy, I know. This ceaseless problem of being ever curious is also the root of one of my biggest pet peeves: if a group of people are hanging out together and a couple of people are whispering about something, man oh man, not only does it irk me but I just HAVE to know what they are talking about! I am certainly not proud of this trait of mine and thankfully I have friends who are kind enough to remind me that curiosity can be dangerous too, it did kill the cat after all!

One of the downsides of being curious and always having to be in the loop is that you are very rarely surprised by anything. That is why it is so special when I am caught off guard, and as much as I like knowing what's going on at all times, I absolutely love surprises! Sadly, I am one of those people who usually clues in when a surprise is coming or that somethings up, but sometimes I am blissfully unaware. This past December a good friend of mine was planning a surprise for me and a couple of my friends. All I knew was that we were going somewhere and that I should dress up for the occasion. (On a side note, it is incredibly hard to dress up for an occasion if you don't know what it is. But that's a story for a different time). It was good practice for me to not be too curious and ruin the surprise for myself. I must admit, I did ask a lot of questions and take a lot of guesses as to where we might be headed but when my friend offered to tell me where we were going I decided I didn't want to know, good eh? In the end I was very pleasantly surprised and we all had an amazing night!

All dressed up for our surprise outing ~ we ended up going to see the ballet!

Thank God for friends who know how to catch me off guard and surprise me! And speaking of God, I'm pretty sure He is the king of surprises. Whenever I think I've got figured out where I'm going or what God is up to, something new and exciting hits me from out of the blue and I'm swept off my feet once again. So although I may be more curious than most, I know that God has something up His sleeve and will always leave me pleasantly surprised.

Before we go any further...

..there is something very important you should know about me.

I love music.

For as long as I can remember, I have loved music. There is a photo of me when I'm still a baby, and in this photo I have managed to drag myself across the floor over to the tape/cassette player and am lying right in front of it. My mother tells me that I used to bang on it until someone put music on.

When I got a little older, probably around 7 years old, I really wanted to learn to play the violin. My two older sisters had already had piano lessons and for some reason I was just drawn to the violin, so my parents signed me up. Sadly, after about a year of struggling through lessons the teacher told me that the violin probably wasn't for me, and sadly I had to agree with her. But a few years later I started taking clarinet lessons and I still have my clarinet today! I don't play it often, but on rare occasions I will still play a tune or two. And a couple years ago my parents bought me a ukulele which I am very slowly trying to teach myself. Now despite my great love for music, this does not necessarily mean that I have a talent for it. I am not particularly gifted at playing any instrument and, although I can sing, I can't harmonize to save my life, but that's okay.

More than playing music I love listening to music. To many of my friends I am known for always having music playing and always having a song stuck in my head. When I listen to music, I am very aware of the lyrics. I feel like music is so incredibly good at portraying emotions that could otherwise not be put into words. I tend to go through phases where I listen to one particular song more than others, sometimes to the annoyance of my roommate but luckily she forgives me. The reason is that whenever I'm going through something, or find myself in a situation, or am in a certain mood,  I try to find a song that reflects how I'm feeling or that has a better way of explaining what I'm feeling than I could ever come up with myself. However, this doesn't mean that whenever I am listening to music it is a reflection of how I feel, there are lots of times where I listen to music just for the sake of listening to music!

So this is a fair warning to you: if you should see postings of lyrics or excerpts from songs on my blog, do not be surprised. It is just one of the ways I share how I'm feeling, or it could just be that I want to share a great song with you.

Home

 In my life I have had many homes, after all that is part of the fun of being a missionary kid. My parents are both North American, (however my dad was raised in Brazil,) as for me, I was born and raised in Amsterdam. Within Amsterdam we moved around several times and I always tried to find my place in my new surroundings: new friends, new school, new activities, and so on. It is funny being a third-culture kid because you never quite feel like you belong. Because my parents are North American I was raised at home with primarily North American values. However, going to a Dutch school and living in Dutch culture instilled some Dutch values in me. That in combination with going to a very multi-cultural Church and having friends from various cultures meant that I had a little bit of everything and was never fully something.

 Living in the Netherlands people could always tell that I wasn't fully Dutch and when I moved to Canada at the age of 17 it was quite clear that I was not fully Canadian either.  People are, and probably always will be, able to tell that I don't quite belong, either by the language I use or the way I approach a situation or any other thing that might not fully match the cultural setting I find myself in. 

 Strangely enough, I quite enjoy not fitting into any one culture here on earth. I'm pretty comfortable not feeling entirely at home in Holland and not feeling entirely at home in Canada either.  The reason is, I know that any place on earth really isn't my home. As I was once again reminded in Church today, as Christians we don't actually belong on earth anymore. Our true home is in Heaven with our Heavenly Father. And one day, when my time has come, God will finally call me home to where I belong. 

Amsterdam

...will always have part of my heart

Children's tv

This summer I have found a job nannying several days a week, I'm really enjoying it and the kids are a lot of fun. Today the kids were watching a video and it got me thinking about just how far children's TV has come in the past few decades. I mean, when I was little I watched the classic Looney Tunes and Hanna-Barbera productions (like scooby doo, the Flintstones, Yogi Bear, Top Cat, the Jetsons, etc). And if I was going to watch something really cool, like "real" animation, I would watch Postman Pat or Wallace and Gromit. One of my all time favorites was the Thunderbirds, I had a Thunderbirds toothbrush and everything. Now for those of you who don't know, Thunderbirds was far from high-tech; made in the 1960, the series follows a bunch of puppets hung by strings, strings that were quite visible even on TV but I didn't care, I just enjoyed the stories.

Today some of the shows kids watch are truly high-tech. Take studios like Pixar, for example, they have taken everything to the next level. I certainly love pixar and their movies, but to be honest I do sometimes miss the old Disney movies where not everything was digital and things looked more like cartoons. And I must admit that I am not really a fan of 3D movies. I know, it's shocking that anyone could dislike 3D movies, I'm not saying I don't like them necessarily, it's just that I would be very happy to settle for a 2D movie instead, even if that does mean missing out on the coveted 3D glasses.

 I wonder what's next for the world of children's television, I wouldn't be at all surprised if in the not too distant future kids can virtually join their favorite TV heroes for some adventures by wearing a special head-piece or something like that. I'll just have to see what kinds of things technology will have come up with when I start having kids of my own.

Where to begin...

Believe it or not, this has been a long time coming. The idea of starting a blog has surfaced in my mind many a time but until now I never actually started one. The reasons being that I didn't think it would be something people would want to read and I just didn't take the time to set one up. But I have decided to start one now. Now, because I have decided that I do not mind if anyone reads this or not, of course I am glad that you are reading it, but even if you weren't, I would still happily write away simply because it's a great outlet for me. A place to let my thoughts, ideas, and ramblings flow to my heart's content. And better than that, it is a place for me to share things that I find interesting or touching or just worthy of sharing with you. At least, that's what I have in mind for this blog.

Starting the blog was no easy task, the first bump in the road was figuring out what to call it. You see, naming a blog is not as easy as you might think, it has to be clever and meaningful. After quite a while of debating various options I settled for Reflections of the Light. What do you think? Pretty good, right? I chose it for the two meanings that are in that title. The first is that this is a blog of my reflections (or thoughts) of things in life, and because I do not plan on going too far into depth or discussing particularly heavy topics they are reflections of the light(er topics). Secondly, as a Christian I believe that we are the children of God and I believe that He is the Light of the world. As His children we ought to reflect this light in our daily lives. And so this blog will also touch on how I am trying to be a Reflection of the Light. So much for not having heavy topics, eh?

So there you have it; my first ever blog and my first ever post. Done.